Live for your smile, Die for your kiss
by Magnetic Luck
Summary: The road to love has never been easy, especially not when you're an oblivious old werewolf and a clumsy nymph. Remus and Tonks' life over the course of a year. RL/NT
1. January

"Three. Two. One. Happy New Year!"

The chorus of cheers echoed through the dimly lit dining room of Grimmauld Place, the clock striking it's twelve steady beats to signal the start of another year. It was a time of new beginnings, of second chances and hopes for a future. It was guiding in the promise of victory, of better things in the grand scheme of things. This year would be the one to change everything. -This- year, they could finally banish evil from it's grip upon their lives.

Amidst the applauding crowd of amassed Order members, the systematic embrace of one and other took place. Arms encompassed bodies, smiles tinged with the faintest hint of celebratory sherry. All around people were happy, and that was what new year was all about wasn't it? Tiptoeing beside the wolf, the puck stole a kiss, lips pressing softly to his cheek in order to leave a sticky pink smudge of affectionate offering. "Happy New Year, Moons." The young auror blushed, tiny glass raising in an innocent toast for the better months ahead before she disappeared from his sight to wrestle the bottle of Ogden's finest from her dear cousin's already inebriated self.

Remus flushed, amber eyes twinkling brightly as a nervous looking smile crept across his face. "Happy New Year, Nymphadora." He chimed out instinctively, fingertips rubbing over his lipstick tainted cheek as his eyes followed the nymph's departure back towards his longstanding friend. "Happy New Year, indeed."


	2. February

The nymph was concentrating. Tongue protruding between her lips, the undignified pink muscle twitched slightly as her fingers deftly utilised a trusty pair of safety scissors to cut out a bright red heart. Somewhere upon her desk, there was a report about Dumbledore's amassing army, not to mention a very long and complicated list of charges against various known Death Eater collaborators. Work didn't matter today, or at least not as far as the bubblegum nymph was concerned. All that mattered was finishing this card, even if she ended up coating months worth of reports in copious amounts of pink glitter in the process.

Slathering glue all over the accurately cut valentine, Tonks sprinkled on her sparkly finishing touches, despite a warning glance from a surprisingly amused Kingsley at the adjacent desk. She was happy enough, it was only a nice friendly way to spread a little endearment wasn't it? It didn't actually have to -mean- something, did it? It wasn't as if she was in -love- with Remus Lupin or anything silly. Nose wrinkling, the puck scribbled down her message in a simple looped scrawl, before sending it to it's destination with an optimistic attitude.

By five o'clock, that optimism had long since vanished. Nobody had sent her a card all day, and nobody had wished her a happy Valentine's despite the various cards and gifts floating around the office. She didn't give them simply to receive, but it was a kick in the teeth when even Moody had gotten his fair share. Six, seven and eight o'clock came and went but it was at nine, just as she was leaving with a sinking feeling of rejection, that the tables had turned. An owl arrived carrying a chocolate box, it's ribbon tied loosely and it's edges creased.

Securing her scarf around her neck, Dora had opened the package, lifting the lid to find the entire box empty save for a solitary chocolate situated in the middle of it's plastic inner. A tiny strawberry heart and a note with writing so familiar it had her stomach filling with several tiny butterflies.

_I saved the best until last._


	3. March

The kitchen was filthy. Remus had known it long before he'd even reached the familiar four walls. The enticing scent of freshly baked cake had reached his nostrils, and that combined with the consistent clatter of utensils, meant he'd known without question that it wasn't Molly Weasley bringing culinary life to the darkness of Grimmauld Place. Stalking silently through the hallway, the ninja wolf had come to a halt at the doorway to the edible Hiroshima, his lips jerking upwards in wry amusement at the visual lain before him.

Flour was scattered across the floor, the sticky traces of egg lining the counter even as chocolate coloured mixture splattered itself across every wall and…dear Merlin, had she gotten it on the ceiling too? Despite the disastrous visual, there was one redeeming factor amongst it all, and that was the deliciously appealing sight of a chocolate cake sitting on the table. Creeping closer to it, the birthday boy leant over, licking his lips in anticipation of a slice of creamy cocoa infused perfection. "No candles?" He asked amusedly, amber gaze shifting sideways to focus on the cook in question as he raked his eyes over her equally messy form.

If he'd thought the decor was bad, the creator of his chocolatey masterpiece looked a whole lot worse. He could hardly be surprised though, it -was- Tonks. For all her faults though, she -could- cook, even if she made a mess, and she -did- look adorable covered in cocoa, and flour…and was that butter in her hair? Hands poised on her hips, piercing blue had stared back at Moony, eyebrow raising in unspoken challenge. "I'm pretty sure that many candles is considered a fire hazard." She remarked mischievously, gaze never wavering from her apparently hungry colleague.

"Oi!" Remus exclaimed as he did his best to look offended at such a statement, finger dipping into the rich chocolate frosting for long enough to paint a brown smear straight down the puck's nose. "You should respect your elders." He wasn't -that- old, was he? At least no more so than Sirius was, and nobody complained about his yearly leap closer to a state pension.

"Make me." Tonks challenged again, the slightest hint of her teeth showing as she flashed an unreadable grin.

Bridging the gap between them, strong arms braced themselves against the wooden table at either side of the rabbit's body, face mere inches from her own as he gave an all knowing nod, his inner Marauder shining through without a doubt. "Maybe I will Dor, but only after cake." Lips brushing the chocolatey nose of his would-be chef, the wolf smirked before descending upon the cake armed with a spoon. Women, Voldemort, Actions of mortal peril. -Nothing- could get between Remus Lupin and his chocolatey perfection.


	4. April

The Order's latest meeting had been bad. They'd all known that before they'd even arrived. Dumbledore never summoned them in the early hours unless it was an emergency. Although given the circumstances, the puck was sure the 'E' word was an understatement if ever there'd been one. Their overseas contacts had been murdered, slaughtered like cattle at the hands of those who would see Voldemort reign supreme. The nymph was used to death and to destruction, she saw it every day at work, but the list of names currently being reeled off by Snape was almost too much for the young auror to take. She'd met those people, she knew them, she'd been the ones that had handed over the paperwork and helped to negotiate passports.

It reminded her of how short life was, or how easily life could be torn away from them. Bottom lip quivering, Tonks remained silent, the monotonous drawl of her former Professor fading to white noise as she pictured each and every face of those that had fallen in service of the greater good. She was the only one at the table that didn't remember the first war, the only person that had yet to comprehend that the rest of her comrades had known this was inevitable for months now. Colour draining from her face, tinnitus began to set in before she was rocking nervously, trying to process the information without screaming or shouting.

She felt sick. If she didn't get out of there soon, she was almost certain the greasy haired git's robe hem would be splattered with her gastric contents. She was falling inside her own mind, tumbling further and further into a dazed spiral. It was only when a warm hand clutched at hers beneath the table that she was pulled from her dismal reverie. A familiar thumb ran across the back of her hand as she flicked her gaze up to meet the wolf's soothing amber, currently trying desperately hard to offer the comfort she so sorely needed.

"It's okay." He'd mouthed, squeezing her porcelain hued hand gently in silent reassurance. Had it been anyone else, she wouldn't have believed them, but there was something about those eyes that offered hope when all was lost. Something about their sparkle that lit up a whole room, even when it was submerged in pitch black. She could mourn, and she could cry, but at least with those eyes, it told her that things would be better eventually.


	5. May

The list of the deceased hadn't been the only casualty at last month's emergency meeting. The latest in a long line of assignments had been issued, some better than others. The puck, as always, was exiled to guard duty and keeping up appearances at the Ministry, which didn't bother her nearly as much as the revelation that her long standing friend, Remus Lupin was being sentenced to infiltrate the pack of his maker. She'd argued it so much with Albus, screamed at him, shouted at him, dare she say it…almost hexed him, all out of frustration at how unfair the situation was.

Moony may have been a werewolf, but he didn't deserve this. What about Sirius too? He'd be without a friend again, lost in his own lonely house when it had taken more effort than she'd care to admit to keep him sane for this long. She'd been telling herself all day, that it was for Sirius and Remus himself that she didn't want him to go. That as his friend it was her duty to talk him out of what was effectively suicide, but the more she thought about it, and the deeper she delved, the more she realised there was more to it than a simple act of friendship.

She had to tell him, she had to make sure he knew before something terrible and irreversible took place. Darting out of the auror office as soon as the clock signalled her shift had ended, the nymph made her way to the Floo, tossing a hand of powder over herself as she stepped into the fireplace and stated her destination in haggard breaths. With a lungful of soot and a cough or two, the puck stumbled out at Grimmauld Place, head jerking upwards at the somber looking Sirius nursing what clearly wasn't his first glass of whiskey. "Is he still here?" Tonks demanded, panic creeping into her voice as she made a bee line for the door.

"Just missed him, love." The slurred sentence was like poison, it burned and stung her ears. No. NO! She can't have. It wasn't supposed to end like this. Flinging the door to the aged building open, the distressed witch escaped into the middle of a furious downpour. saturated fabric clinging to every modest curve as she tore down the street towards the lingering form of the departing wolf. "Remus!" She'd called after him against the wind, his body turning to clock sight of the witch risking pneumonia for his sake. Moony opened his mouth protest, to tell her to stop being an idiot and get back inside before she froze, but he wasn't given the chance.

Without warning, slender hands had encompassed his shoulders, lips touching his in a kiss that was both wrong and right at the same time. He was too old, too poor, and far too dangerous for this. He was leaving, he would very likely die, yet the youthful pixie was kissing him as though it was just the beginning. He needed to stop it, to pull away and get back to his mission, but he couldn't tear his lips away from those currently caressing his own. This moment of heaven was surely paving the way to the fiery depths of hell, yet he didn't care. He kissed her back, until finally neither of them could breath and had to come up for air.

" I love you." She'd said in a stark confession, body pressed to his in a dignified cuddle. He supposed he should say it back, but he was terrified of giving the bright ball of pink fluffiness false hope.

"I know." Was his final response, lips grazing her forehead with solemn grace before he disappeared off into the night. Even with the rain, he could still hear the tiny choked sob, and without even having to look, he knew he'd just broken someone's heart.


	6. June

Silence. That was all the puck had heard for the last three weeks. Nothing, but pure, undiluted silence. Maybe Remus couldn't write, maybe it was his way of staying true to the task at hand. She supposed there would be very little in the way of musings to tell. He couldn't say where he was, or what he was doing, he couldn't tell her anything, yet she still needed something. Just one word. Just a sign that he was okay, and still breathing. She missed the fluffy old coot, even if they were nothing more than friends. She missed having him there to cuddle, to poke fun at, to debate and help her do the dishes. Regardless of how she felt though, the letters never came.

One by one the days faded into agonising weeks, until finally on the night of the full moon, panic gripped the auror as it had never done before. She worried about his health, about his mental well being when surrounded by savagery. Moons had always been tougher than steel though, a resilient player in the game of life. He wouldn't abandon his morals or his humanity would he? All night the pink haired witch had sat rocking next to the fire, eyes never leaving the shiny silver orb hovering outside her window. The moon wouldn't relent, and neither would she.

All night Tonks had stayed like that. Sleep evaded her, along with comfort. He could be dead and she'd never know, he could be brutalised, victimised, strung up and shot for what he was, and she wouldn't ever have been there. It was disconcerting, but more than anything, it was painful. Palm rubbing over her aching eyes, a brisk knock that sounded more like scraping drew her to alertness. If the ministry was here to drag her to work, then they had another thing coming. She'd owlet ahead, she was 'sick' today, and as such taking the time to recover and stew in her own despicable misery.

Thud, Thud, Crrrrck.

The noise came again, almost like silent pleading against the wood. Taking a moment to allow it to register, the nymph's heart skipped a beat, feet carrying her straight over the rug and to the door with her wand in hand. She was expecting Moody, perhaps even Kingsley, but not the mess that was stood on her doorstep right now. For days she'd been wishing for a glimpse of the wolf, for the bright whiskey eyes she knew so well. Yet the man before her looked like someone else. Perhaps it -was- someone different, three weeks could change a person afterall. Jaw dropping, the puck had little time to react as the man she'd professed to love, staggered forwards, her arm instinctively ducking around his back as she pulled his own filthy limb over her shoulders to steady him.

The moon had not been kind, nor had life in the depths of feral wolfdom. What remained of his clothes were raggedy and littered with dirt, the scent of sweat and decay mixing with the blood that painted his skin. Once hazel hair, was now matted and red, bruises and bites littering his already scarred torso. How he'd survived, Tonks didn't know, perhaps part of him -had- died, she couldn't tell. All she knew was that he was hurt and silent, so regardless of how she felt, she had to rectify it to the best of her ability. Knees buckling slightly under the pressure of his weight, Dora wrinkled her nose before her eyes scrunched shut and she disapparated up the stairs with the wolf in toe. She was going to help him; even if she had to make a sacrifice in the process.

Guiding Remus to the bathroom, the troublesome nymph had left him precariously balanced on the toilet while she retreated to her room to find the dejected wolf a change of clothes and a stack full of towels. There wasn't a way to make this less awkward, at least not while the dishevelled Marauder was practically bordering on catatonic. She was going to cross the line of what was appropriate, but given the circumstances, she hoped he'd be able to forgive her for it. Returning to the tiled room dressed in a bright yellow raincoat (for practicality's sake, since wet t-shirts just make it an entirely different scenario) Nymphadora set her supplies down on the floor before helping Lupin to his unsteady feet and leading him into the shower.

Of all the scenarios for being in the shower with the cuddly ball of fluff she could come up with, this had to be the one she'd never have anticipated. It wasn't the steamy liaisons you saw in the movies, or the soapy lathered up interpretation you might find in a trashy novel. It was a woman trying desperately hard to wash away her friend's misery and help him find his sparkle again. Lowering Moony enough for him to sit relatively comfortably at the bottom of the shower, the pink haired witch tugged her hood up before flicking on the water, the cleansing downward stream of liquid heaven hopefully luring her companion back to his old self.

Kneeling behind him, out came the sponge daubed with the aromatic touch of peppermint scented soap as she began her compassionate cleansing of the crimson liquid splattered amidst the grime, peeling away various sodden rags in her wake. Sliding the suds across his arm and down his back, the would-be nursemaid did her best, brows furrowing in concern as her hands roamed the angry looking bites littering his chest. He'd need healing paste on those, perhaps something stronger if it was as infected as she presumed it to be. The metamorphmagus new injuries all too well, yet her ability to treat them was mediocre in comparison to the capable hands of Poppy Pomfrey.

"Moonshine…you need a healer." She'd whispered beside his ear, her sponging continuing down to his navel before a lightning fast hand had grasped her wrist with such force, for a fleeting second she thought she may have to hex him.

"It was an accident." Murmured Remus, his tone a far cry from it's usual calm demeanour.

"You don't have to talk about it." Came the quiet response as her arm was tugged forwards to wrap around his chest in unspoken reassurance. Dropping the sponge, her other arm followed in turn, both encompassing the wolf as she pressed a chaste kiss to the back of his neck. "It's okay Remus, really. It'll be okay."


End file.
